


I'm On Your Left

by cress26, heatherpeters



Category: The Blacklist (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-09
Updated: 2016-09-09
Packaged: 2018-08-14 01:45:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,360
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7994068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cress26/pseuds/cress26, https://archiveofourown.org/users/heatherpeters/pseuds/heatherpeters
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kidnapped by Alexander Kirk, Liz is consumed by thoughts of the safety of her child, combined with the hurt she inflicted on Red.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm On Your Left

**Author's Note:**

> Heatherpeters started this story and I continued it. This is the result. Enjoy!

I really don’t know where to begin….

Its seems like a lifetime since I’ve seen him, and there he was, just hours ago – on the other side of bullet proof glass, attempting to shoot his way through – for me, a woman who staged an elaborate deception in order to escape him in order to gain my freedom and my sanity. 

The man I thought I’ve never see again.

The man I….love... Raymond.

How he must hate me.

Yet there he was, while I stood next to a detestable man who claimed to be my father, my _real_ father: Alexander Kirk, or as he professed to me: Constantin Rostova.

But I understood that I killed, shot my father when I was a child.

I’ve been placed in this room, away from my baby, my daughter. Where is she?

If this man is my father, why am I being held against my will? I noticed that there was intravenous apparatus while I was taken to this place. I’m in an underground bunker of some sorts, but Kirk already took measures to move soon now that Red has found us. 

Where is my Agnes? Why is she being held somewhere else?

If this man, this Kirk discovers the truth about her, I fear we are all in more danger than I could imagine.

What a fool I was to think that I could escape my life, the danger, the reality of who I was? But Red knew; he always knew. But I didn’t listen. Yet I had to protect my daughter; she was all that mattered.

I should have trusted Red. But the plan seemed to fool-proof. Mr. Kaplan would fake my death and Agnes would be safe. It worked for a bit, until Tom made a fool hardy decision to bring Agnes to me in Cuba. Why didn’t he think and plan ahead of time, instead of just living in the moment, side stepping Kate’s security team and just take the plan and come to me with the baby?

How could I think that I could trust Tom? Imagine some fantasy life of freedom in Cuba, without being followed? How could I be so stupid to think that the plan that Mr. Kaplan concocted, would work without consequences?

And now here I find myself, held captive by this Kirk, who, in profiling him in a short time, is a classic narcissist, a megalomaniac who controls everything arounds him.

And I’ve discovered something else about him that is quite obvious: he hates Red with a passion that I read as insanity. I have to get away from this man and find my baby before he kills us all.

He wants to hurt Red, that much I know; wants to destroy him from the inside out and I fear he’ll eventually use me to accomplish that task.

Maybe Kirk thinks he can somehow brainwash me into thinking that Red is the villain in this story. Maybe he imagines me on his ‘team’ or some such thing; or perhaps he even deduces that I am weak enough, or gullible enough to betray Red.

Funny, but I’ve already done that, haven’t I? Betray and deceived the one man, the only person I have in this world who truly loves me? Who’s protected and stood by me for the past three years, never questioning my motives or decisions, whether wise or folly.

Raymond Reddington, who, just a few hours ago, burst through a door, finding me, and willing to shoot through thick bullet-resistant glass in order to find me all over again. He and Dembe both braving death themselves in an attempt to save me.

Even after all I’ve done to him. What has he gone through while thinking me dead? How much has he suffered thinking I would never come back? Knowing that Agnes had lost her mother? 

As I think of my daughter, my breasts begin to fill with milk, and my chest feel like boulders. Kirk’s people have provided me with breast pumps, so I know that Agnes is somewhere close, but why won’t they give her to me?

Why won’t this monster let me breast feed my baby? I long to touch her, my newborn miracle.

I need to hold her in my arms, to kiss her and cuddle and keep her _safe_. I crave to feel her at my breast, suckling and bonding, so she knows her mama loves her.

He will come for me, and bring my daughter back to me. 

I listened as my heart ached, seeing that beloved face and knowing that I should have never deceived him. I love him; I guess I always have, but I was blinded by my foolish notion that Tom and I could be a family with Agnes. 

Red will come for me; his last words before Kirk took me from that room resonate with me, give me hope and faith that Red will stop at nothing to get to me and Agnes. 

_“I will come for you, Elizabeth; I will come for you.”_

I hadn’t realized how deeply I missed him, his beloved face and that deeply powerful voice, until he purposefully told me his plan. 

He will come for me; he must. 

And I will do whatever I must to find Kirk’s weakness in the meantime, and then together, Red and I will defeat him, and kill him if necessary. 

Our daughter’s life depends on it. 

Yes, that’s right – _our_ daughter. Agnes is Raymond’s daughter. 

The man who brought the worst on me, who burnt my former life to ashes, also fulfilled my most desired wish, blessed me with the most precious gift - a child. 

The irony of fate. 

I’ll never forget the night I conceived her, when we allowed passion to consume and overwhelm us. I was just being exonerated and I felt so relieved and carefree, and we celebrated by making love. 

It seemed reasonable at the time that we agreed to leave it at that one night, but I wasn’t prepared for the hurt and longing I felt afterwards. In hindsight, I think that’s how it all started, how I always took the wrong path since then, how I let my fears and worries take over and how the urges rose to get away from him as far as possible to protect my suffering heart and soul. 

The minute I found out I was pregnant I went to Tom and planted my child on him. I thought it was the best I could do. 

Rejecting Red and deceiving him, keeping the most vital truth from him felt right in order to save us. To keep us from his world and his enemies. 

In a very wrong sense I believed it would keep him save as well; he’s being hunted for decades, he’d already made himself vulnerable for protecting me, so how could I add a child into the mix? 

I know now how painful it feels to keep a secret and it gave me an understanding how much he must have suffered keeping his. It’s a simple equation which I comprehend just now that I’m in the same position. It’s all for protection, to keep the one person you love out of harm’s way. Why did it take me so long to see that?

I never understood and acknowledged how deep his love and care really went – now I do - and I’m devastated by all the pain I caused him. The amount of hurt he must feel is indescribable and yet he still hasn’t given up on me. He still comes for me, trying to save me and Agnes. How can he still take it all? 

He has proven more than once that he’ll always fight for me and our love and it gives me hope that it’s still possible to make it all right, to straighten up this mess. 

All I need is to apologize and to be honest about how I feel. It can all be fixed and salvaged, it’s not too late, I’m sure. 

He just needs to come for me and save me. 

One more time. 

So hurry Red, please hurry! 

The End


End file.
